"Freezing the beta: How to kill a sick fish humanely" was definitely my best and most useful parenting tip. . .up to now!

Let's call today's tip "Retrieving the stone: How to search through your child's poo."

Oh yes. It's true. Davy and I are currently inspecting each little poo our sweet Mia produces, and we will get to continue this exercise in family bonding and olfactory adventure until we recover the rock she swallowed on Thursday night.

But I'm not writing for sympathy, my friends. I'm writing to share with you some most helpful tricks of the poo-inspection trade, in the event that you find yourself in a similar position someday--specifically, staring into the toilet wondering how in the hell you're going to do this.

Through trial and error, Davy and I have developed the following tried-and-true method of poo inspection. For best results, you'll want to have the following materials on hand and at the ready:
plastic wrap
disposable gloves
craft sticks
empty plastic grocery bag


Step 1: Suspend a generous sheet of plastic wrap across the toilet bowl, under the seat. You'll want to position said plastic wrap far enough back on the potty to catch what you want but allow any liquid to flow freely into the bowl. (This is a really important detail. Take my word.)

Step 2: Allow child to do what needs to be done. Then take a deep breath and prepare to work quickly.

Step 3: Using one gloved hand, grip specimen from beneath the plastic wrap. Holding a craft stick in the other gloved hand, systematically cut or crush specimen completely.

Step 4: Wrap smashed specimen and craft sticks completely in plastic wrap. Drop into empty plastic grocery bag. Place gloves into bag and knot to seal hermetically. Remove to outdoor garbage receptacle immediately.

One last tip: Prepare to stay close to home for 3-4 days, or take a small stash of supplies with you everywhere you go. It turns out that Sams doesn't keep a supply of gloves and craft sticks in their family restrooms. The Czarnecki method of poo-inspection is much less effective with only a paper towel to work with. Again, take my word for it.