In Honor of My Anniversary. . .

I think this perspective on monogamy is fascinating. . .

Who said monogamy was natural?

“Right-wing pro-family advocates are correct: Monogamy is definitely under siege,” said David Barash. But don’t blame radical feminists and gays, or Godless communists. “The culprit is our own biology.”

Researchers in animal behavior have long known that “monogamy is uncommon in the natural world,” and a growing body of research shows that “Homo sapiens carries all the evolutionary stigmata of a mildly polygamous mammal.” But before you take this as a permission slip to cheat on your spouse, remember that “natural isn’t necessarily good.” (Think of earthquakes or pneumonia.)

The point is, some of the most satisfying human accomplishments, from mastering the violin to scaling a mountain, don’t come naturally, but require dedication and hard work. “A case can be made, in fact, that people are being maximally human when they do things that contradict their biology.” For its part, monogamy can foster an ever deeper intimacy between partners, to say nothing of family stability.

“To be sure, monogamy isn’t easy; nor is it for everyone. But anyone who claims that he or she isn’t cut out for monogamy misses the point. No one is.”

(The Week Magazine, Wednesday, November 25, 2009)

And to think, I could have earned the same super-human status by learning to play the violin, but the last 19 years* wouldn't have been nearly as interesting.

*14 years of marriage

Gift Rant Revisited

I posted the following in February of 2008:

A Stupid Vent--feel free to skip this one

Those of you who know me well know that I love to give gifts. I truly enjoy choosing gifts for people I care about, and I'll often see something perfect for someone and have to wait months for the appropriate opportunity to give it to them. Maybe I do it because it's so hard for me to say how I feel--and this is an easier way to show people they're important to me and that I care enough about them to think about what they would really enjoy, or what would make them laugh, or what they need and don't even know it.

I *KNOW* that not everyone sees gift giving the same way I do. In fact many of the people I know and love actually find it to be an unwelcome obligation.

So, these are my disclaimers. I get that I'm a freak, and I get that you might not derive as much pleasure from choosing a gift for me as I do for you. I'm cool with that. I really, truly am.

But what I'm NOT cool with is somebody asking me what I would like for, let's say, an upcoming birthday. And asking me again. And asking me again, more insistently. And then, once I've finally come up with something out of sheer guilt, deriding me because what I suggest isn't something they would want or because it's not "special" enough. Are you kidding me? They why the hell not just get me what YOU want to get me? Or get me nothing. Or donate some money to a charity in my name and be done with it. Really! Any of those options are PERFECTLY fine with me! But don't freaking put me down after you've been on my ass for a month just so you can check me off your to-do list.

It occurred to me today. What I *really* want for my 40th birthday is for you to stop riding me about what I want for my birthday. Just be nice to me. THAT's what I want for my birthday.

Now, if only I could figure out how to get that message out to the right person.

Funny how some things never, ever change.