Five years ago today. . .

Mia was 4 months old. Zoe was almost 2. We were up and getting ready to go to Jazzercise when Tom D. called and asked me if I had the tv on. I did, but it was tuned to Sesame Street, very likely the one program that wouldn't be interrupted with coverage of what was going on in New York (and later, Washington, D.C., and Pennsylvania). As I had flipped through the channels to get to PBS, I had noticed the same image of a smoking building on every channel, but considering the ridiculous over-coverage the media had given to every real and imagined crisis since O.J. Simson's famous car chase, I assumed it was nothing important and just kept flipping up to more appropriate programming for toddlers.

Tom told me that a plane had hit the World Trade Center, and just as I was tuning in to see what was going on, the second plane hit the second tower. Unbelievable.

What I remember most about that day--and the days that followed-- is being completely numb. I don't remember crying; I didn't feel angry; I didn't feel afraid; I was empty. I realize now that I couldn't make any sense out of what happened. It was so big in that moment, that I simply couldn't grasp it.

With Zoe being much too young to understand what was going on, but plenty old enough to be disturbed by the awful images being broadcast, there was no question of me watching the days-long coverage out of New York, Washington, DC, and Pennsylvania. Besides that, our house was scheduled to go on the market on Friday. We'd already signed the papers to buy a new house, and there was no time to spare. So I was forced, for better or for worse, to keep myself pretty removed from the whole thing. I knew what had happened, but I was not inundated with the images and speculation that many others experienced. In fact, today I have watched much more coverage of the events that unfolded on September 11, 2001 than I did five years ago. With both girls at school I felt like I could safely turn it on. MSNBC ran the original 9/11 tape of the Today Show from from about 7:30 until 11:00 CST and I watched the whole thing. Like most everyone else who watched what happened that morning, I couldn't turn away.